Shorts
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Let’s Be Honest
Anyone who knows me for more than a day knows I am a very frank person. I believe life is too short to pretend that you’re someone you’re not, so I don’t. While you might not like what I have to say — professionally or personally — you’ll know where we stand. Unfortunately, we as a society have lost out on this kind of honesty over time. Let’s face it, we all know that truth hurts, and even though we’re taught to be honest right from primary school, the adult society is the biggest hypocrite when it actually comes down to practising it.
I got linked to an article which talks about “Radical Honesty” (a book and concept by Brad Blanton). I haven’t read the book or attended any of Blanton’s workshops but my understanding of the concept after reading the article is to be honest about what you think and feel, but in a way that teaches you something about yourself and the person you’re talking to. The difference in plain old-fashioned honesty and Blanton’s concept is that you’re not being honest just for the heck of it — you’re doing it to make your relationships with people much more transparent and clear, and hence leading a simpler and more enriching life yourself.
I’ll admit that I’m not honest all the time. That doesn’t mean I lie, in the sense that I deliberately cook up stories that aren’t true, but that I withhold things that I know will hurt the other person unless I’m specifically asked for my opinion. There’s a big difference in being honest and being cruel, and one shouldn’t be cruel. The age old philosophy of “Treat others as you would have them treat you” holds here. If you consider their honesty in a particular situation would be a good thing, you should be honest yourself. I’ve observed (as the article too points out) that when faced with honesty, people tend to become honest themselves, and the result is a much clearer understanding of where the two people stand with each other.
Part of me being honest and frank is the reason that I don’t understand people. People are the only enigma in this world that I can’t come to grips with — everytime I think I’ve figured something out, it gets proven wrong the next day. I’ve stopped trying to understand things that aren’t said loud and clear. Sure, I can tell (sometimes) that you’re sulking — but I won’t know why. I’ll ask you if you’re doing alright, and I’ll take your answer at face-value. The idea is, if you want something, you should make the effort of asking for it so that it’s clear to you and others what you want. That is a kind of frankness as well.
It’s not easy, being honest. You could say I am “convenient”-honest/frank, and that’s a compromise most of us have to make if we don’t want to be shot in the middle of the street. People tend to be more honest with a person the more comfortable they are with them, simply because they know that things will not get too sour. People like to avoid conflict as much as they can (I’m no different). But the idea is to be frank with people in general. In my experience, journalists and lawyers do this pretty well. It’s because of their line of work, their lack of time for bullshit makes them cut through the pretences and get straight to the point 1. But then I also believe that it takes some characteristic of personality for people to be alright with going down this path — a high-degree of independence. You have to be alright with making people angry or upset, but you also have to be a quick judge of situations and the “bigger picture”. It might sound complicated, but believe me, it’s easier and much more satisfying than living your life pretending to be someone you’re not.
References
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1 I have quite a few friends who are journalists. I think you can see why. ↩
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